dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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