so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
