i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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