my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
