had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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