just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
