I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
