That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
we're so committed to being not committed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
