hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
