i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
