you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
