Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
