Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
