Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
