it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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