Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize