i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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