I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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