How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
