was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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