She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
