The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
