Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
