Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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