so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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