it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
