how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
