Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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