you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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