why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
