I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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