I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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