I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
