Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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