At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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