i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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