I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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