I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
