I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
