Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
