I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
