i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
