There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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