I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
