Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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