im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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