im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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