Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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