i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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