seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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