So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
