You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
