he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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