Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
