hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
