I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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