I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
