His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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