I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
