it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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