We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
