I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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