He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
im holly from the hills drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
