of course. lets lasso hookers.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I stole a fireplace last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
