there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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