Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
