ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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