It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
