She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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