no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
