whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
