exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
