people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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