Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
40s are totally the cure
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
