Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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