I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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