I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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